Love your scars, learn from them

My grandfather on his bike, late 1950s.

My grandfather is a wonderful man.

I'm sure everyone says that, and they mean it, but of course I think mine is extra special.

It was his birthday last week, and this year, for the third year running, he is celebrating it in a nursing home, where he has been since he suffered an enormous stroke which left him paralysed.

Seeing him in his bed, prone and vulnerable, day after day is never going to be easy for us his family, but it's far worse for him.  Yet, he is stoic and, when he is lucid, he shows as much love and care for his family and as little care for himself as ever he did when he was able-bodied.

He is a man who lived his life to the full, a man who lived without fear, and a man whose body tells his story.  When I look at his unmoving limbs, I see perfect imperfection.  Each arm is cross-hatched with scars - some long and livid, others fine as silk.  They tell me who he is and what he stands for.

He was, and is, a brave man who would never let a knock or a cut stop him from achieving what he wanted to.  Every time I hold his hand I am reminded of the long and useful life he has led and want to be more like him.
 
He is an inspiration to me and always will be.  He teaches me to love my imperfections, because it they that make me perfect.  He teaches me that you can love and be loved for what you do, not what you look like.  He teaches me that it is better to risk a few cuts and bruises in order to really experience the world, than to hide away in a protective bubble.

He is my hero.

Happy birthday Gamps.

Pomp, pageantry, and people: Cherish your community, wherever it is...

My Dad, who was born in the coronation year, lights the beacon in my home
village of Marloes in Pembrokeshire as part of the Jubilee celebrations.

So...that was the jubilee.  A week long extravaganza of national pride, hedonism and celebration.  What did you get from it?  Was it a waste of time and money?  Was it a washout?  Or, like me, did you find something in there beyond all the pomp and pageantry; something personal and social?

For me, the simple joy of being in my village, with my people, my community, in a field in the rain was so comforting and grounding that the weather just didn't matter. 

I know am very privileged to come from a small village where people look out for each other and pull together, and I never want to lose that; but you don't have to be from a close knit geographical community like mine to benefit from the sense of support you get from being with others with whom you have something in common.  My online communities, my colleagues, my friends may be scattered all over the globe (happy wedding to Shin by the way*), but we can still be a community, thanks to this machine I'm typing into and Mr Tim Berners-Lee and his collaborators.  How fortunate we are to be able to build and retain communities in real space and digital spaces.  It's important to remember this good fortune and if it has done nothing else, the Jubilee has reminded me of how important community is.  Behind the pomp and pageantry there are human beings, people, who sometimes need a hand, so value your communities, nurture them and cherish them - you never know when you might need them or they may need you.

*Shin is one of my best friends and she is getting married in Kuala Lumpur this weekend, I can't be there physically, but I'll be following online.

Tat at the Tate? Living (it) up to your brand values...

Heron would be turning in his grave...
Exhibition Artwork for the Simon Fujiwara Show at Tate St Ives.
Image: Tate St Ives

So, I spent Bank Holiday weekend having a lovely time exploring Cornwall, something I've never really done before (having grown up on the stunning Pembrokeshire coast - or Cornwall's introverted cousin as I like to think of it - it wasn't something I had ever really needed to do).  So, discovering some wonderful spots in Cornwall was just a lovely, relaxed thing to do and it really didn't disappoint...apart from one thing...and that was the Tate Gallery in St Ives...

Now, I make an effort to go to Tate Modern and Tate Britain in London whenever I'm up there because I know I'll always find some of the permanent collections I love and also some challenging or interesting new stuff to see - but whatever is there I always know it will be the best.  I expect the highest standards from the Tate - they have a reputation to uphold, and so when I visited St Ives at the weekend, the Tate outpost there was top of my list of places to go.  What an immense disappointment it was.

I know that the gallery has some excellent pieces in its collection, but the whole gallery had been given over to what I can only describe as some self-indulgent, navel-gazing, pretentious rubbish from someone who happens to be a local boy and who happens to have managed to dupe a curator into believing that his work is good.  The fact that Simon Fujiwara grew up in St Ives seems to have been enough to have gained him the whole of the gallery space for a major show that, quite frankly, has so little substance it left me feeling utterly disillusioned with both the art world and in particular the Tate.

As you can see, I'm not holding back here, but that's because I expect better from the Tate brand, which for me stands for great Art from the last century or so.  I don't wish to offend  Simon Fujiwara (I'm pretty sure he will have grown a thick skin by now) and if Tate St Ives want to give him a room for a week then fine, but people travel a long way to get to that little outpost on the Cornish coast, and they have certain expectations from the Tate and from a place that has been home to the likes of Nicholson and Hepworth, whom I believe to be true fine artists, so to make them pay to get in then show them so little that meets their expectations of a Tate gallery felt a bit like being defrauded.

As an aside here I must mention what I felt was the shameless exploitation of works by Heron and Bacon in Fujiwara's exhibition, and that the almost throwaway hanging of major works within this show (and his use of the Heron piece in the promotions - see above) is utterly unforgivable on behalf of the curators at the Tate.  I know art is about challenge, and there is a place for irreverence, but this, in my view, is just poor judgement on behalf of the curation team.

In branding terms this is a major failure in my eyes.  For me, the Tate brand is tarnished by not meeting my expectations in a consistent way. When I go to Tate Modern in London I  expect:

• To be awed, inspired, and challenged
• Free access to the permanent collection
• The finest 20th and 21st century art
• Carefully selected and beautifully hung special exhibitions (for which I am happy to pay)

My experience in St Ives was none of these things.  In fact what I got was:

• Annoyed, agitated and disappointed
• No access to a permanent collection (except for a very few pieces that happened to have been exploited  in the special exhibition)
• Poor quality work where the only high points were two (very poorly hung) major works from a permanent collection
• Ripped off

The take-home message here is that you need to deliver on your brand values and your core offering, wherever you use your brand.  Tate St Ives should provide me, the visitor, with the same value that Tate Modern, Tate Britain, Tate Liverpool do, or I'll lose faith.  All brands need to pay attention to delivering on these core values and protect what they have or they'll lose the loyalty of their supporters.

So take note Tate curators, you're on the cusp of losing a loyal visitor, and perhaps many more out there like me,  Brands are important in any organisation, whether profit-making or not, and every person who engages with your brand deserves the same set of value experiences wherever that happens to be.  It's one of the great challenges and benefits of having a strong brand, but it's achievable with good judgement and clear principles.  The funny thing is, your customers really want you to do well, they want you to deliver, and they want you to be a good brand...you just have to show them that you are.

So, it's with a genuine sadness that I say the Tate brand didn't live up to my expectations last weekend...but one brand's loss is another's gain, and if you're going to Cornwall, and the lovely town of St Ives, this month, my advice to you is skip the Tate and go to the Hepworth sculpture garden instead...beautiful...and worth every last penny. A brand worth protecting.

Low battery? Where's your charger?

Where's my charger?
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My phone battery keeps running down, it's really annoying, but I guess a symptom of our high-drain lives.  Smartphones do so much for us and I suppose this means they need a lot of energy to keep going.  They're not that different to human beings when you think about it...

Last weekend I blogged about saying yes to things and taking the opportunities that present themesleves, and ironically I've had a week that has put my theory to the test.  I've had an exciting week, full of oportunities.  Opportunities to say yes, and opportunities to say no...so, I said yes (of course), and although the sheer effort involved has left me shattered, I stand by my message from last week's blog that yes is best.  What it has meant however, is that as well as my phone battery, my mental and physical batteries were in a critically low state - if I were a smartphone I'd have been beeping out a warning on Friday afternoon! Here's why...
 
As well as being a lecturer (teaching is still the most important part of my job) I am lucky enough to have a number of other roles at my institution and to have my own business and other responsibilities outside work.  This is a 'portfolio career' that I love, and gives me the opportunity to experience lots of different challenges (I never could stand being stuck doing the same thing day in day out).  One of these roles is Director of Communications for Swansea Business School.  This is fantastic privilege and means I get to continue to be a marketing practitioner as well as an academic, and (hopefully) plays to my strengths and experience as a commercial marketer.  However, being 'out there' representing the School and engaging with stakeholders including the media is an important part of this role, and this means being in social environments on a regular basis, something that for an introvert like myself can be both challenging and draining.


I could say that this week has been one that, as a natural introvert, has been  pretty much my idea of hell.  I've been on the national news, organising events, meeting and greeting high-profile visitors, appearing in a video which had its first screening at launch event I attended, and doing all sorts of other 'out there' things.  In consequence, I have found myself feeling somewhat overexposed.  Don't get me wrong, although I find this work challenging in many ways, I love it in others and recognise how important a part of my job, and what a great opportunity it is.

Now, I'm sure there are some people who see me doing that kind of thing at work who will think it's something I find easy (at least I hope I'm convincing enough for that!), but in reality it all goes directly against my natural social preference (and maybe that's just part of why I enjoy the challenge).  Frankly, I'd rather be writing, reading a book or speaking to someone one-to-one than networking in a large group, but I've developed strategies that mean I can manage it for a time, although I do find that it leeches away my energy.

Introversion and extroversion are interesting concepts, and although there are other ways of interpreting them or using these terms, I like the Jungian view which was further developed by Myers-Briggs in the MBTI personality type indicator that suggests those who have an extrovert preference are energised by social environments and will actively seek out groups with which they need to interact to gain more energy.  Introverts on the other hand find social engagement a drain on their energy - they may enjoy it in some ways and are very capable of engaging in social interaction, but it saps their energy rather than charging it up.  So, when they've had a great deal of social interaction they often need some quiet time away from it all to recharge.  That's what I've needed this weekend, just a little time away from the people and the cameras and the ringing phones to recharge ready for the week ahead.  I had just about hit the 'low battery' mark, and whereas my phone beeps at me to tell me my batteries are low, I have had to learn the signs and clues my body and brain give me to let me know when this is happening to me.


For my phone, I keep spare batteries and a charger with me in my bag and in the car, but I have also grown used to keeping some of the things that help me energise myself around me and available for those times when I need them, whether that be access to quiet space, or just the ability to jump in the car and drive.

Whether you're an introvert who needs quiet time or an extrovert who needs to go out and socialise to re-energise, recognising the signs of a low battery in yourself and knowing how to deal with it before you run out completely is an important factor in our busy lives.  So, my questions for you to ask yourself today are - can you recognise your own low battery signal and what have you got in the bag as your equivalent of the spare battery, or the charger?  If you can't answer...maybe it's time to take a look at your instruction manual and work out how to plug yourself in...

Learning to say 'yes'

"Do what we say and you WILL become Beyonce...honest" (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I don't buy magazines; magazines for women that is. Occasionally, however, I find myself at someone else's house, or in waiting room or something, and there they are all glossy and smiley with bright colours and 'superwoman' guides to being 'the best human being in the world...ever!' and I can't help but have a flick through.

This superficial glossy veneer is part of the reason I'm not a fan of them, but also, I recognise, part of their unique allure.  They give with one hand and take with the other...tell us we can have it all, then explain how to hold back.  'How to save for a rainy day' next to an editorial about £800 handbags...how to lose half a stone in three days two pages before a recipe for devil's food cake.  They love to tease and tantalise...but most of all they love to sell product.  That's the real game we buy into when we buy a magazine.  What we're really buying is a catalogue, a display of the things we need to have a perfect life.

...because looking great naked is the most important thing in the world to your feeble female brain... (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I could go on here...and another day I'm sure I'll write another post (rant) on deconstructing the women's magazine industry...but the real subject of this blog is one particular kind of article that really annoys me.  This is the 'just say no' article; the piece written to make you feel as though your busy, perhaps hugely fulfilling, but busy life is too much for you and that you should start refusing to do things (presumably so you can spend more time shopping for expensive face creams).  The chances are there are times when you do feel pretty overloaded and as though everyone wants a piece of you, but saying no is, for me anyway, by far the worse decision than saying 'yes' and having a go at something.

My default setting has always been 'yes'.  Saying no does not come easily to me.  If you are presented with an opportunity I say see it, take it, try it, and be prepared for death or glory.  It may not work out, but at least you gave it a go, eh?  You'll never reach your old age wondering what might have been.

The world is full of people who have learned to say no to things, learned not to take risks, learned not to see the opportunities that lie in every offer, every chance meeting.  We've learned to fear challenges instead of facing up to them. If you believe the magazines, saying no is the strong person's route, and saying yes is a sign of being downtrodden and put-upon,  but I'd argue that saying yes, on your own terms, is the sign of someone truly free.

Taking a risk every now and then is good for the soul - take it from someone who knows - I've taken more risks in my life than many and don't regret a single one, no matter how much trouble they've brought. So, don't believe the magazines. They want you to limit yourself; to take the easy route and self-medicate through retail therapy.

If you want a perfect life you're out of luck - it doesn't exist - but a happy life does, and a happy life for me is a fulfiling life full of challenge and opportunity.  A life where 'yes' is always the first choice.

Push on...

Tiger in your Tank? Life lessons we can learn from driver behaviour...

You could just stay at home...or walk?
(Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

Did you top-up your fuel tank this week in readiness for the apocalypse?  Or at least in readiness for those pesky people, whom we curse for holding us up on the roads with their slowly driven tankers, but on whom we are also shockingly dependent, having the temerity to demand decent pay and conditions for their trouble, taking a stand (or a hydraulic, super-cushioned seat at least) against 'the man' who it seems is making all the money while they struggle on...

Yes, so did I.  (But at 6am when the roads were clear and there were no queues or fuss...just preparing my moral high ground ;))).

In all honesty, I feel exactly the same about this as many people - the concern that you won't be able to continue running your life in the ways you are used to because you may not be able to get what you need drives anxiety and fear, but I also recognise that this sort of situation can bring out the very worst in us (and let's be fair and say perhaps the best too) as social actors. When millions of people all feel the same anxiety and fear at the same time and directed at the same service area, they change from their normal ways of doing things - when people are pushed their personalities may shift into their 'stressed' self and we started to see unusual behaviours occur.

So, let's take a look at what really happened last week in terms of the 'panic buying' of fuel...

If you've not seen Kevin Allocca's TED talk about what makes a a YouTube video go viral, you'll know that there is usually a key influencer who creates the spark - sometimes way after the event in question has taken place, but it's crucially their network of influence that matters in terms of the viral spread of the video.  In this case our influencer happened to be a cabinet minister who recklessly lit the blue touch paper and retired, leaving the national media only too happy to fan the flames of panic.  What a payday story for them...

Our reactions as consumers, however, is what really fascinates me here.  Particularly the sudden shift from order to chaos, the behaviours this evinces in us, and how this manifests at macro and micro levels.  So, we have our normal ways of doing things - stopping off for petrol, maybe queueing behind one or two cars at a busy time, but a fairly relaxed and simple operation.  Suddenly, every petrol station we see has cars queueing off the forecourts - and this sends something of a primal signal to us.  They must know something I don't, they'll get there before me, if I don't join them I might miss out.  This is the wonderfully attractive power of crowds.

To me, it seems that these thoughts are driven by some of the uglier aspects of human nature - by our selfishness, our 'me-first' or 'survival - instinct' that overrides our sense of society and the needs of others; and yet I saw many seemingly orderly queues this week, with drivers sensibly queueing away from areas where they could block roads and walkways, and showing no aggressive tendencies - is this a sign of our ability to self-organise based on the norms and rules we set as a society?  Or is this simply a sign of rational behaviour?  In other places, however, there were tales of aggression and anger at petrol stations, and of reckless queueing onto main roads (in one case blocking the entrance to an ambulance station) and pedestrian areas.

Lanes merge ahead (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The roads, and driver behaviour, are a great way to measure our overall relationships to society and each other in my view, as not only are they the spaces in which we interact with many many strangers on a day-to-day basis, but we also do so inside the protective cocoon of our vehicles, which means we don't really have to engage with others as people.  This enables us to switch off some of the empathy we might feel if we were face-to-face with a human being (incidentally the Internet is another comparable space where we have this protective 'bubble' of distance and where aggressive behaviour often ensues).  Driving also allows us considerable autonomy in terms of the ways we do things.  So, we have the capacity to annoy each other by driving in slightly different ways.

Let me give you an example (one that bugs me...) - merging traffic.  When two lanes of traffic need to merge, and you start to see those dead-end signs...800 yards....600 yards...400 yards...200 yards...when do you get into the single open lane?  As early as possible? Or do you stay in your lane until the merge point?  Or are you one of those angry, self-styled heroes who decides to block the second lane so no-one else can use it?  People become highly defensive and aggressive in terms of their position on the road in these situations...and yet the science is pretty clear...we should all use all of the road available right up to the merge point, where a turn-taking merging of the lanes should take place.  This is the most efficient use of the road space...(if you don't believe me watch this video) but so many people just do not see it...the idea that someone might get ahead of them in the queue seems to switch off their logic.

Selfishness can be extremely powerful, and in this case, rather than aggressive or offensive behaviour, what I feel has driven much of this is a need to defend oneself against an increasingly threatening world.  This is a world where our comfortable, convenient lifestyle does us no favours.  We become incredibly attached to our material positions and our narrow social worlds, putting vast amounts of our energies into maintaining them, but do we ever reflect on whether we actually need them.  If the fuel ran out tomorrow what would you do?  Could you live without it?  Of course you could - you are perfectly capable of living a simpler life - less dependent on social systems and on goods and services that you use to maintain your sense of identity and ego.  You just haven't tried it.

So here's a thought... have a go at just letting go of your grip on 'stuff' and your 'routine' for a little while.  Go somewhere wild...walk, live, sleep.   There are wild places tucked away even in the most urban of environments, so your present location is no excuse. 

Crowds are great - they can solve problems, get things done quickly and make a huge difference in the world, making us feel part of something in  the process.  But independent thought, even when in a crowd, is something you should never give up.  So don't succumb to the crowd mentality, make your choices about when to participate and when to let them get on with it.

What's most important though, is to stop judging yourself against others.  What they're doing isn't necessarily what you need to do.  Just because they queue doesn't mean queuing will make things better for you.  Just because they have an amazing house, car, lifestyle, it doesn't mean you need that too.  As my grandfather always said...you can't take it with you...  So why not try forgeting the aggression, the oneupmanship and the defensiveness for a while and learn to live with a bit less stuff and you might just end up living with a bit less stress too... 

A Nation Under Sedation: Are we soaking in the warm bath of mediocrity?

Morgan says, 'Get up, Move Faster' (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This week I had the privilege of being an invited guest at a Wales Management Council debate on whether Wales as a nation lacks ambition, whether the country as a whole is hungry enough for success. 

This question, set by fellow guest Dr Paul Thomas whom many of you will know from his TV series ‘The Business Doctor’, caused, as I’m sure you can imagine a passionate and emotive discussion around the table.  Clearly there is passion in Wales, particularly amongst business leaders and educators it would seem, but what about in the wider populous?  Can we really say that a whole nation lacks ambition without sinking into national cultural stereotyping?  And if we can, what might be the reasons for this mediocrity complex?

That's perhaps a set of questions for another day, as it’s not the purpose of this post to focus on Wales per se.  That's because I believe this is as much a personal issue as a national one, so rather I want to consider what might make individuals and groups be willing to settle for a Status Quo that is not moving them forward in any way.  Why would we be settling for a life of routine comforts instead of looking towards a future that might be brighter in many ways?

This is where the Freudian psychology might come in…Freud’s Pleasure Principle suggests that it is human nature to move away from pain and towards pleasure.  This is not a simple dichotomy, however, as some pleasure is gained through pain...through hard work, through struggle and suffering (those of you who are working towards a major life-goal, a PhD, bringing up children, setting up a business, will know what I mean here).

But what if there is no real pain in our life?  What if it's all pretty comfortable as it is?  What if we know that the safety net of the state will always pick us up if we fall over, and what if moving towards something different, towards a different set of life goals, towards a successful, fulfilling future, actually requires us to go through some of that pain to get there?  This is where inertia sets in.  We settle for the comfort of mediocrity, the restful state, and it seems to me this warm bath of mediocrity is an easy place to be, and for many an easy place to stay.  It's like living under sedation.  

But what kind of life is that?  Is it really so great to stay in your green and pleasant land when there is suffering in the world that you could be helping people out of, where there are challenges and opportunities to make the world a better place - where you can contribute?  What a shame it would be if you died tomorrow and your only contribution to society had been in the form of taxes and putting your small change in a charity box.

One of my favourite phrases in life is ’push on’ – I use it in my self-talk when I know there is pain ahead but it will be worth it.  When I’m walking long distance and we’re nearly at our goal destination for the day, I'll often say ‘let’s push on’ to the next check point – so we’re ahead of ourselves for the next day.  This is about attitude – it is, quite literally, about ‘going the extra mile’.  If you consistently go the extra mile, you can consistently achieve more than you, or those around you, thought possible.  And, if you get exhausted, if you fall down, if you fail…you just take a moment and then you get up and push on again.  

Another of my favourite phrases  is from the movie Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves (yes I know).  In the film, when Robin is knocked down in a fight he asks his friend Azeem (Morgan Freeman) for some advice. Azeem simply says ‘get up; move faster’, and this is what I say to myself whenever I fall down or fail at something.  Just pick yourself up and do it better next time.  We can all do this if we're willing to go through a little short term pain in order to achieve the rewards we dream of, but so many people don't...and if you're one of those who don't...maybe it might be worth jumping in a cold shower for a minute and asking yourself why?

And as for Wales as a nation, I know there are passionate people here, people who want to ‘push on’ just as I do, but there are also a lot of people for whom the Status quo is just too comfortable.  As a nation, perhaps we also need to get out of that warm bath of mediocrity and give ourselves a blast of cold water to get us moving again; we need to listen to Azeem and pick ourselves up and get on with it, quite simply, we need to ‘get up; move faster’.

The Wales Management Council is seeking to raise the voices of business and educators in challenging government to create a Wales that is hungry for success; a Wales that has passion beyond the cultural and sporting fields, that has passion in business too – in short, a Wales that has its ‘hwyl’ back. Being a small nation doesn't mean we have to think small... and so the Council is developing a strategy to engage government and policy-makers on this vision and ambition for excellence in Wales – you can discuss and support the campaign by joining the debate in their LinkedIn group or by following them on Twitter @walesmanagement.